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Petty Problems
2 min read
Have you ever had that moment where you realized that all your life's problems are petty and really insignificant?
I did.
Yesterday evening while at my knitting group.
I learned to knit just over a year ago (learned right before last christmas, to be more precise) and my friend and I joined a near-ish knitting group in order to keep up with working on things and have some fun talking with people about lives we haven't known for ages. Conclusions? My friend (who is my Moirail) needs me to expect to go to things if she wants to keep up with groups like this, I need HER to get me out of the house, and there are some DIVERSE PEOPLE in knitting circles (One of them repairs motorcycles when not knitting baby booties).
That said, the knitting group takes place on Tuesday nights at a yarn shop where they also sell spinning and weaving supplies. They also have a spinning-group that gets together on Wednesdays to make yarn together that my moirail and I also go to. These two groups were essentially run by different women, one is the knit and crochet lady, the other the spinning and weaving lady. Both are super nice and funny and helpful, and Spinning lady said when I finished my first sock that I could come to her for help on the gusset when doing the second of the pair. (I just finished the second gusset, btw, it's been months!)
I found out yesterday that Spinning lady has stage four brain cancer.
She went from "you'll be fine" just before christmas to "you have six months to live" just before valentine's. That's less than two months.
My problems? Finding a job and being busy and having lots of projects to work on? YEAH. RIGHT. PROBLEMS.
And that's all I really have to say about that.
I did.
Yesterday evening while at my knitting group.
I learned to knit just over a year ago (learned right before last christmas, to be more precise) and my friend and I joined a near-ish knitting group in order to keep up with working on things and have some fun talking with people about lives we haven't known for ages. Conclusions? My friend (who is my Moirail) needs me to expect to go to things if she wants to keep up with groups like this, I need HER to get me out of the house, and there are some DIVERSE PEOPLE in knitting circles (One of them repairs motorcycles when not knitting baby booties).
That said, the knitting group takes place on Tuesday nights at a yarn shop where they also sell spinning and weaving supplies. They also have a spinning-group that gets together on Wednesdays to make yarn together that my moirail and I also go to. These two groups were essentially run by different women, one is the knit and crochet lady, the other the spinning and weaving lady. Both are super nice and funny and helpful, and Spinning lady said when I finished my first sock that I could come to her for help on the gusset when doing the second of the pair. (I just finished the second gusset, btw, it's been months!)
I found out yesterday that Spinning lady has stage four brain cancer.
She went from "you'll be fine" just before christmas to "you have six months to live" just before valentine's. That's less than two months.
My problems? Finding a job and being busy and having lots of projects to work on? YEAH. RIGHT. PROBLEMS.
And that's all I really have to say about that.
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RISE OF THE GUARDIANS is MY NEW FANDOM!
1 min read
HOLY SHIT, PEOPLE.
DROP ANCHOR, HANG ON FOR A FULL STOP.
RISE OF THE GUARDIANS.
THE FANDOM IS YET SMALL, BUT MIGHTY.
THIS MOVIE KICKED ALL OF MY FEELS.
SO, SO MUCH.
I RECOMMEND IT TO ALL.
*headdesk*
Alright, allcaps aside, the movie Rise of the Guardians was pretty great. I have the unyeilding urge to read the books now. That said, you do have to go in remembering that it's a kid's movie, so some of what's done is a little simple, but they did a fantastic job of "showing" and not "telling" everything, so hats off to the Dreamworks people.
We'll see if I'm still freaking out over this after seeing Wreck it Ralph and ParaNorman, but a kick-ass Australian dirtback Easter Bunny is just about trump to all other arguments.
*hugs the world*
DROP ANCHOR, HANG ON FOR A FULL STOP.
RISE OF THE GUARDIANS.
THE FANDOM IS YET SMALL, BUT MIGHTY.
THIS MOVIE KICKED ALL OF MY FEELS.
SO, SO MUCH.
I RECOMMEND IT TO ALL.
*headdesk*
Alright, allcaps aside, the movie Rise of the Guardians was pretty great. I have the unyeilding urge to read the books now. That said, you do have to go in remembering that it's a kid's movie, so some of what's done is a little simple, but they did a fantastic job of "showing" and not "telling" everything, so hats off to the Dreamworks people.
We'll see if I'm still freaking out over this after seeing Wreck it Ralph and ParaNorman, but a kick-ass Australian dirtback Easter Bunny is just about trump to all other arguments.
*hugs the world*
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My life at this moment...
7 min read
So, in case anyone has been keeping track of what I'm doing in my life (and that number should be dwindling fast, as I almost never post relevant information on the net, choosing instead to bore the snot out of all the people I see everyday to reiterate this information upon) I'm currently studying to be a teacher of Art.
To be specific, I'm attempting to graduate collage this semester, and I'm in my final schooling death-throes.
That means a number of things and strings are wrapping up this semester and twisting themselves into nice tasseled edges for me to braid into the rest of my adult life as I know it. This includes the conclusion of all my areas of study: core curriculum, art studios, art theories, and teacher preparation, the last fumblings I will encounter with the devil creature known as the financial aid office, the on-coming terror of the commencement ceremony and buying a school ring.
And in the course of concluding all these things my semester has a predicted forecast of looking a little bit like THIS:
()#!&*$_)({)(#($_^&!(){$_)#_!*(%&T($#{!#_(!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm currently enrolled in what amounts to two classes: Student Teaching (technically two classes in itself, but they boil down to be being at a teacher's side for nearly their whole semester of school) and Senior Show (wherein I'm attempting to show my stuff as an accomplished artist-in-my-own-right against actual studio majors.)
Each of these things presents me with interesting and emotionally draining problems, to be laid before you now.
Student Teaching: it's the one thing that will break a person not meant to teach, because not only do you get to see EXACTLY how bad the student population will let you down, you get to learn a surprisingly large amount of WHY the kids got that way. Progress calls went home my first week in class, and most of the failing students didn't have a working parent contact anywhere in school --not even the nurses' office. Some of the students are just STUPID, by no fault of their own, but their mental deficiencies lend them to spinning their wheels with no results. Many of the kids WILL NOT WORK --they won't do it because a challenge (and that's all we give them, is a challenge because I'm not expecting Rembrant here, just a damn drawing that isn't a stick figure) is just TOO MUCH WORK, and how could I expect THAT out of THEM? You get to deal with every shade of 'this is how a class is run', in ways that no school can prepare you for because they're too focused on lesson plans and there's no real way to teach it anyway.
My experience so far has given me a notebook half-filled with my 'do's and 'don't's of teaching and room ideas and general behavior fixes and checks and balances. I got really scared at the end of week two, however, when my Supervisory Teacher (my instructor at the university) called me to say that my Cooperative Teacher (the teacher I was observing) had CONCERNS about me and my fitness to do the job. There was some question of if I was interacting with the students enough. I've taken steps since to fix the concern, but fact remains, I would have done so the moment my Coop Teacher had told me of them, if we'd discussed it at all. I constantly second-guess myself now, where before I felt at ease in the room. It's disheartening.
Senior Show: I have had trouble with this one from the GATE. Most Art Ed kids can get it done in a semester, I've tried THREE TIMES now, and I'm still having issues with it. Senior Show, for anyone out of the loop, is a thing where seniors in the Art department make a series of five works that exemplify their skills as an artist and then have a group show at the end of the semester. I have several problems with this one, most of which stem from the fact that Art Ed students show with Studio Art students, who have had much more training in their mediums over their time in the school, and who have already had one thesis class where they did nothing but plan and create their works already. Art Ed students have a panel of teachers to impress, and have zero designated class time to work on their project. I find the whole procedure to be unfair, but at the same time I find the show beneficial to Art Ed kids who don't want to believe we're any a lesser of artist than the Studio kids --though for the most part, shock of shocks, WE ARE. We're not trained for it.
When I started Senior Show I had a vague idea of interlacing art and education through the form of red math equations on white back grounds. Rejected by the panel, so maybe chalkboard painted school desks with equations and other formula on them? Too much money...Oh, I have these life-sized sculpture people, can I use those? SURE, but they're too different from one another, so make some more. I spent some time this summer learning to weld and building some people frames that I covered in chicken wire and now I need to cover in plaster. Then, I'll be hooking them together with nylon cord and pulleys. Picks when done!
ON TOP of these things I have to finish getting my certification for educating. On the bright side, if I don't pass these, I still graduate because they're state tests, not ones from the school, but I have to wait to retake these exams and can't get a teaching job until I do. I have two exams, the PPR and the content exam, which is to say, I have a test on being a good teacher, and a test on knowing about art. Most kids will take the practice tests for these exams sometime in their semester of Block, a sort of pre-student-teaching gig that's exactly LIKE student teaching, but only HALF the time. At the end of Block, you're GIVEN the practice teacher-test, but you have to schedule your content exam yourself. I kept missing it that semester, and I had ONE chance to take it THIS semester. I did THAT this morning, and passed, thankfully, or I'd never be allowed to take the real one. Now I have to call or e-mail the office of educator prep to find out the testing dates for the real exams, and get them all sorted out, study for them, and TAKE THEM sometime before the end of the year, or I won't be doing a TEACHING job search come January.
Miscellaneous: Financial aid is a horrible jaundiced monster with horrible toe-nails, and even though Student Teaching is basically a FULL TIME JOB, I get HALF the money I normally would in a semester because when you're in it you get half-time credit hours, and that's what your money is based off of. I need that money, guys. UGH. I don't want to mooch of my parents forever, in fact, I'd like to mooch as little as humanly possible, and in fact, would highly appreciate GETTING OUT OF THEIR HOUSE ASAP, because I can't stand the smothering now that I've had a taste of independence.
Huge journal is HUGE...I'm gonna go now.
To be specific, I'm attempting to graduate collage this semester, and I'm in my final schooling death-throes.
That means a number of things and strings are wrapping up this semester and twisting themselves into nice tasseled edges for me to braid into the rest of my adult life as I know it. This includes the conclusion of all my areas of study: core curriculum, art studios, art theories, and teacher preparation, the last fumblings I will encounter with the devil creature known as the financial aid office, the on-coming terror of the commencement ceremony and buying a school ring.
And in the course of concluding all these things my semester has a predicted forecast of looking a little bit like THIS:
()#!&*$_)({)(#($_^&!(){$_)#_!*(%&T($#{!#_(!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm currently enrolled in what amounts to two classes: Student Teaching (technically two classes in itself, but they boil down to be being at a teacher's side for nearly their whole semester of school) and Senior Show (wherein I'm attempting to show my stuff as an accomplished artist-in-my-own-right against actual studio majors.)
Each of these things presents me with interesting and emotionally draining problems, to be laid before you now.
Student Teaching: it's the one thing that will break a person not meant to teach, because not only do you get to see EXACTLY how bad the student population will let you down, you get to learn a surprisingly large amount of WHY the kids got that way. Progress calls went home my first week in class, and most of the failing students didn't have a working parent contact anywhere in school --not even the nurses' office. Some of the students are just STUPID, by no fault of their own, but their mental deficiencies lend them to spinning their wheels with no results. Many of the kids WILL NOT WORK --they won't do it because a challenge (and that's all we give them, is a challenge because I'm not expecting Rembrant here, just a damn drawing that isn't a stick figure) is just TOO MUCH WORK, and how could I expect THAT out of THEM? You get to deal with every shade of 'this is how a class is run', in ways that no school can prepare you for because they're too focused on lesson plans and there's no real way to teach it anyway.
My experience so far has given me a notebook half-filled with my 'do's and 'don't's of teaching and room ideas and general behavior fixes and checks and balances. I got really scared at the end of week two, however, when my Supervisory Teacher (my instructor at the university) called me to say that my Cooperative Teacher (the teacher I was observing) had CONCERNS about me and my fitness to do the job. There was some question of if I was interacting with the students enough. I've taken steps since to fix the concern, but fact remains, I would have done so the moment my Coop Teacher had told me of them, if we'd discussed it at all. I constantly second-guess myself now, where before I felt at ease in the room. It's disheartening.
Senior Show: I have had trouble with this one from the GATE. Most Art Ed kids can get it done in a semester, I've tried THREE TIMES now, and I'm still having issues with it. Senior Show, for anyone out of the loop, is a thing where seniors in the Art department make a series of five works that exemplify their skills as an artist and then have a group show at the end of the semester. I have several problems with this one, most of which stem from the fact that Art Ed students show with Studio Art students, who have had much more training in their mediums over their time in the school, and who have already had one thesis class where they did nothing but plan and create their works already. Art Ed students have a panel of teachers to impress, and have zero designated class time to work on their project. I find the whole procedure to be unfair, but at the same time I find the show beneficial to Art Ed kids who don't want to believe we're any a lesser of artist than the Studio kids --though for the most part, shock of shocks, WE ARE. We're not trained for it.
When I started Senior Show I had a vague idea of interlacing art and education through the form of red math equations on white back grounds. Rejected by the panel, so maybe chalkboard painted school desks with equations and other formula on them? Too much money...Oh, I have these life-sized sculpture people, can I use those? SURE, but they're too different from one another, so make some more. I spent some time this summer learning to weld and building some people frames that I covered in chicken wire and now I need to cover in plaster. Then, I'll be hooking them together with nylon cord and pulleys. Picks when done!
ON TOP of these things I have to finish getting my certification for educating. On the bright side, if I don't pass these, I still graduate because they're state tests, not ones from the school, but I have to wait to retake these exams and can't get a teaching job until I do. I have two exams, the PPR and the content exam, which is to say, I have a test on being a good teacher, and a test on knowing about art. Most kids will take the practice tests for these exams sometime in their semester of Block, a sort of pre-student-teaching gig that's exactly LIKE student teaching, but only HALF the time. At the end of Block, you're GIVEN the practice teacher-test, but you have to schedule your content exam yourself. I kept missing it that semester, and I had ONE chance to take it THIS semester. I did THAT this morning, and passed, thankfully, or I'd never be allowed to take the real one. Now I have to call or e-mail the office of educator prep to find out the testing dates for the real exams, and get them all sorted out, study for them, and TAKE THEM sometime before the end of the year, or I won't be doing a TEACHING job search come January.
Miscellaneous: Financial aid is a horrible jaundiced monster with horrible toe-nails, and even though Student Teaching is basically a FULL TIME JOB, I get HALF the money I normally would in a semester because when you're in it you get half-time credit hours, and that's what your money is based off of. I need that money, guys. UGH. I don't want to mooch of my parents forever, in fact, I'd like to mooch as little as humanly possible, and in fact, would highly appreciate GETTING OUT OF THEIR HOUSE ASAP, because I can't stand the smothering now that I've had a taste of independence.
Huge journal is HUGE...I'm gonna go now.
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Journalsssss....whyyyy....
4 min read
So, writing a journal, because I'm not really one who does such things, but it seems like a good idea at the moment, so allow me a little rant, won't you?
Recently, I had a person contact me about changing some information in one of my deviation's artists notes. As it was their username (not linked, just listed) in a ZADR club submission, they told me that they didn't want to be named anymore, as they were no longer active in the fandom.
Now, I'm all for doing as people ask on the internet, when it really doesn't hurt you and makes them feel better, so I removed the name, but the submission is to a club that existed before groups existed on DA, and it was never converted to a group, so it still basically runs as a user, so I told him/her that they'd have to contact the mods to change the information in the club gallery's submission. I even said that if the club mods gave out trouble I'd be backup, and good luck.
That was the last expected to hear of it. I mean, I don't really see the point of utterly destroying one's history in fandom, so I don't know why it was important at all to have the name removed. (And thankfully, when this user originally wanted their name AND face--drawn, not photoed--to be taken out, they didn't fight when I asked if only removing the name from the notes was a problem.) Once upon a time, it was important for you to be in the fandom. Once upon a time, this fandom was something you loved. I don't know what happens to make people make dramatic speeches about leaving a particular fandom, or why people scour the net to remove all traces of them having once particularly liked a pairing or show or book. I find this behavior to be sad, and sort of self-destroying. BUT, it's no skin off my nose, and I try to ease my discomfort after reading said "I'm leaving!" dramatizations by likening it to cleaning out old/bad artworks from your gallery and shuffling them off into your scraps section (which I need to do very badly, thinking about it.) A cathartic exercise that really serves no ultimate purpose than MAYBE, POSSIBLY saving you a little embarrassment later on.
But just now I got a note from said user asking (and I paraphrase here, though it really wasn't much longer) "But can't YOU contact the mods?"
Yes.
Yes I can.
But I'm not going to unless you have problems getting them to do what you want, because it really isn't my fight. You want to remove yourself from this fandom? You do the gorram leg work to make that happen. I have fulfilled my part in your march out of this chapter of your life, and you must fight the battles that will win you the day. I am not your mother. Nor your friend. And though I will be your ally, I am not your general, second-in-command, or even your foot soldier.
I am your back-up.
So go fight, call me in if you need me, and not a moment before.
***
If anyone is interested in knowing: I told this user all this as politely as I could and came HERE to make the rant of it. If anything of interest develops from here this space will be edited, but hopefully my point will be made and no further action will be required of me.
Recently, I had a person contact me about changing some information in one of my deviation's artists notes. As it was their username (not linked, just listed) in a ZADR club submission, they told me that they didn't want to be named anymore, as they were no longer active in the fandom.
Now, I'm all for doing as people ask on the internet, when it really doesn't hurt you and makes them feel better, so I removed the name, but the submission is to a club that existed before groups existed on DA, and it was never converted to a group, so it still basically runs as a user, so I told him/her that they'd have to contact the mods to change the information in the club gallery's submission. I even said that if the club mods gave out trouble I'd be backup, and good luck.
That was the last expected to hear of it. I mean, I don't really see the point of utterly destroying one's history in fandom, so I don't know why it was important at all to have the name removed. (And thankfully, when this user originally wanted their name AND face--drawn, not photoed--to be taken out, they didn't fight when I asked if only removing the name from the notes was a problem.) Once upon a time, it was important for you to be in the fandom. Once upon a time, this fandom was something you loved. I don't know what happens to make people make dramatic speeches about leaving a particular fandom, or why people scour the net to remove all traces of them having once particularly liked a pairing or show or book. I find this behavior to be sad, and sort of self-destroying. BUT, it's no skin off my nose, and I try to ease my discomfort after reading said "I'm leaving!" dramatizations by likening it to cleaning out old/bad artworks from your gallery and shuffling them off into your scraps section (which I need to do very badly, thinking about it.) A cathartic exercise that really serves no ultimate purpose than MAYBE, POSSIBLY saving you a little embarrassment later on.
But just now I got a note from said user asking (and I paraphrase here, though it really wasn't much longer) "But can't YOU contact the mods?"
Yes.
Yes I can.
But I'm not going to unless you have problems getting them to do what you want, because it really isn't my fight. You want to remove yourself from this fandom? You do the gorram leg work to make that happen. I have fulfilled my part in your march out of this chapter of your life, and you must fight the battles that will win you the day. I am not your mother. Nor your friend. And though I will be your ally, I am not your general, second-in-command, or even your foot soldier.
I am your back-up.
So go fight, call me in if you need me, and not a moment before.
***
If anyone is interested in knowing: I told this user all this as politely as I could and came HERE to make the rant of it. If anything of interest develops from here this space will be edited, but hopefully my point will be made and no further action will be required of me.
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Commission info in PREVIOUS journal
1 min read
I'm writing a ditty to keep my front-page from being too big of a mess --Previous Journal had commission info in it, and that's also on my front page, SO.
Yeah.
ME
Yeah.
ME
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